I’ve been horrible writing about my “journey as an audiology student.” I guess since midterms are over I can finally say a few words.
This semester technically started horrible because I found out our program wanted to start a “pilot study” for clerkship on our class. I was waiting all of winter break to hear where I would be placed, only to find out I would be staying at the school on-site clinic. First of all, I was more disappointed that they didn’t tell us earlier. Secondly, I wanted to know why I specifically had to stay. I found this all out the day I was traveling from California to Pennsylvania, so that was a wonderful 5 hours of additional reduction of my self-confidence. By the end of the flight I felt neutral on the whole matter and I thought to myself, “If my preceptors really believe I’m not ready to leave, then that’s fine.”
The class ended up having a meeting with the dean, on-site clinic and clerkship coordinator. We found out our credentialing grades and a survey from our preceptors are what decided on who would stay. It made more sense to me because my first written credentialing grade was far from excellent, but I did really well on the actual “practical” credentialing. I thought, “man…this is the worst time to be horrible at taking written exams.” My next thought was, “well, now I know my preceptors hate me.” It just didn’t add up at the end mainly because as students we always ask for feedback at the end and the only previous critique I get is that I’m “quite.” I ended up asking my preceptors why they thought I had to stay and the consensus was that I know what I’m doing in clinic but I’m an introvert. I’ve worked so hard to be more open and speak my mind since high school but I guess it just wasn’t enough. I totally get it… I’m a quite person, I get my work done but it’s not acceptable to some of my extroverted preceptors. I feel like I’m in a bubble wondering if I just went out I could meet new challenges and be more confident. At the very end of it all, I’m still neutral because I was thinking about a VA placement in the future (the on-site clinic has a VA contract). Although, I’m realizing I’m not too confident in vestibular evaluations.
Besides that, school has been the same ol’ busy work and cramming for midterms. I actually have a meeting today with the clerkship coordinator to discuss future sites. As long as she doesn’t end the meeting with “you suck,” I’ll be fine. It’s just been a whirlwind of questioning if I know enough to be in someone else’s clinic. HELP!